Ummm...the last five years! Or just the past 4 months...

Holy moly, it's been a long time since I wrote last.  Since the middle of May!  So much has happened in my life since then.  I'm not even sure where to begin!

The last 4 months have brought some of the most amazing times and some of the worst times in my life!  I'm going to mention some things very briefly...and then jump in to where I am now.

This summer I officially started my Masters of Art in Teaching.  I passed the three classes that I needed to get into the program.  But, I had to take 2 Praxis tests.  One test was almost 4 hours long and the second test was close to 2 hours.  The tests cost a total of $300!  So, these were tests that I couldn't fail!  Plus, I had to pass them by August 1 or I would be out of the Masters Program.  The problem was, that if I did not pass the tests, I would have to wait 2 weeks to take them again...so that really limited me to when I had to take them!  I took my first test- the Praxis Core (it's Reading, Writing, and Math combined) and I passed it with flying colors.  I have never studied so hard for anything in my life!  The second test was the Speech/Drama test...and I passed it, but only by a little!  Which doesn't bother me at all...a passing grade is a passing grade!  So, that was one more thing to check of my list on the way to getting my Masters in Teaching!

Another great thing that happened, was getting to work on the production of Aida at StageworX!  It is one of my favorite shows and this summer just proved that over and over!  I loved working on it!  The music is amazing, the kids were amazing, and it was just a dream three weeks!  I don't know if I have ever worked with such amazing, dedicated, quite while backstage group of kids.  It really made the show that much more special for me!  Truly one of the favorites that I have ever been a part of!

In perfect theatre fashion, one of the worst tragedy's  mixed with one of the most wonderful things happened this summer.  My sister was due in July with twins.  We found out on June 20th, that she had lost one of the boys, Kristof to be exact.  The type of pain this brought to everyone in our family, is indescribable.  The heartache radiates out- it's pain for myself/husband/sisters/their husbands- on missing their nephew.  Pain for my parents on missing their grandchild.  Most importantly and the hardest heartache is the one for my sister and brother-in-law.  I can't even begin to imagine what they are feeling, all I know is the my heart breaks for them more than anything else!  The good news, if there is good news, is that Kristof is already making his presence known.  He will forever be in our hearts, but he will now be our little raccoon, or a coin we see on the ground...it's not the same, but hopefully these little signs will start to help the healing process.  I could talk about this all day long, but I feel as if it's not my story.  I am a part of the story, but not the main part.  So, talking more about it on here, would make me feel weird.

Now, I'm going to go on to talk about the most wonderful things that also happened this summer, my sister had a wonderful son, named B!!!!  He was so tiny!  I flew out to visit her in July when B was only 5lbs!  I can not tell you enough how small he was!  He was 2 weeks old when I held him for the first time!  And he smiled at me!  Scientist might say that it was just gas...but I know better!  He knew his Aunt Amy was holding him!  He was a wonderful baby who hardly ever cried!  He just laid there and was a beautiful baby!  I got to go to his first Dr. apt and found out that he was eating and growing!  It was such a wonderful week!  My sister and I sat, held B, and watched TV!  I mean, is there a better dream?  After 9 days, I left...and I have not seen him since.  However, the pictures we get or the video's we get are nothing short of amazing! I look at them and watch them over and over.  My sister is flying in with B in 13 days...and guess who gets to pick them up at the airport?!?!?!  ME!!!  And my husband, who is just as excited as I am, because he has not gotten to meet B yet!  Holy cow, I am so excited!  I will get my flu shot at 3pm and then head to the airport to get them! Ahhhhh!

On to the last couple of months...school started back up!  I got "A's" in both of my summer Masters classes!  The final step to getting into the Masters program is that I maintain a 3.0 for the first 12 hours of the program!  6 hours done, 6 more to go!  So far, the classes seem okay.  It's a lot of thinking about what I do and putting it into words.  That is way more difficult than you would think.  I just do what I do...I do not think about it!  So, it takes time to think it through.  My school musical began mid-August and will run through the first week of October.  The high school musical started up early mid-September and will run through mid-November.  I have noticed this year, for the first time that I'm tired.  I have been doing 2 shows in the fall for the last 6 years and it's a lot!  I'm not sure if it's the fact that I don't have anything come January that is making everything seem like a lot!  Or if the fact that I am getting older and more conscience about my time and who I spend it with.  I don't know, maybe I'm getting older...and am just tired.  Anyway, it's hard!

Let's see, the other amazing thing that happened, was that my hubby started working at a middle school.  He is a Para Educator.  It was a bit of a last minute "do you want this job?  You can start tomorrow"!  He interviewed on a Friday and was working that next Monday!  And he loves it!  He at least enjoys it more than any other job he has had!  And it reminded him why he wants to be a teacher!  He started that job, and is now enrolled and attending JCCC working his way towards a teaching degree!  I know the kids have to love him!  He is funny, laid back, and just "cool"!  This week has been crazy since his computer is on the fritz...and it's hard to see him frustrated about it.  But he continues to work hard and work towards something that is for him!  It makes me happy to see him excited about work.

I guess that is all for now, sorry for the super long post!  I hope to get back to writing a bit more than I did this summer!  Okay...bye!

It's not personal!

How to not take things personally...

Any clues?  I have none!  I'm lost!  I take everything personally!  I don't know how to not take things personally!  I wonder if some of it is the Pisces sign...ha ha ha.  Okay, so I don't really think that, but it's interesting that a Pisces downfall is their sensitivity!  Ha ha ha!

So, this past year I choreographed 3 shows at the same time.  This was not fun!  I was stressed out and to be honest, I didn't even want to do one of the shows...I was talked into by a friend.  So, it was stressful!  One of the companies I have said no too, and it will be no for a long time.  Another place I said no to, was great, but it was a bit crazy with the schedule.  So, I have said no to all shows after Winter Break!  Except for one.  I hadn't said no, but I had not been asked back yet.  Which wasn't surprising, since this past year I wasn't officially asked until the fall.  So, I was thinking alright, I have cleared my schedule!  I will be able to be at more rehearsals and help out more.

But...

Today I got an email letting me know they went with someone else.  They wanted someone else who could be at rehearsal earlier than 4:15pm.  And unfortunately that was the earliest that I could arrive because of my full time job.  Plus, the school is far, so me getting out at 3:45 does not help!  And the email said she wanted someone who can be their earlier.  Which makes sense.  Plus, I do not know what next year brings!  I know that now, I can relax a little more next year!  Doing 5-6 shows a year is nutty!

And the more I think about it, the more I think not doing anything will be great!  I will have 2 shows in the fall, possibly working on the ballet, taking some classes for the Masters program, the Christmas program, and my sister is getting married!  And who knows, maybe I will be pregnant as well.  So, I might not want to do anything anyway!  

Okay, I feel better!  Sometimes just writing things out makes me feel better!

I need to relax? What? Are you sure?

So, I went off the pill in December.  We officially started trying in January (December would have been a bad time to get pregnant with my schedule).  Now, I say officially, because we had a talk that said (I guess technically the talk happened in December) if we get pregnant we are good with it.

So far, nothing has happened.  Am I surprised?  Not really.  Let's do a quick recap of my life since January:
January- work full time, choreographing 2 shows, going to school, and teaching 2 hours of dance.  I remember feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted.  Am I surprised I didn't get pregnant?  No!

February- work full time, choreographing 3 shows, going to school, and teaching 2 hours of dance.  I have also picked up some extra hours of dance.  Once again I am feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, wondering if I'm going to make it to my vacation.  I also remember thinking that I was pregnant since I was soooooo tired.  However, it was just my life that was making me tired.  Ha ha ha!

March- work full time, opened 3 shows, going to school, and taught 2 hours of dance.  I remember feeling guilty because I was not giving my full attention to anyone.  Not to the shows nor dance, nor work.  I did get to go on vacation- which was amazing...but I was a bit stressed the whole time about how much we were spending.  I was also a bit stressed because we were supposed to be ovulating while on vacation.  Looking back, it wasn't as relaxing as I would have liked it to be...but I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be able to fully relax.

April- my life has quieted down a bit...I still work full time, go to school, and teach dance.  I got into the Masters Program- which starts in the summer...so I'm a bit worried about financial aid, the amount of homework, and some tests that I still have to take which will cost around $300.  We made it to our One-Year Anniversary...but my stressing out is not looking any better.  Money, school, moving, Curt doesn't like his job, if we do get pregnant- can we afford it?  Am I to old to get pregnant?  Um...does anyone have any stress?  I sometimes feel like I am taking everyone else's.

May- I go from being fine to stressing out and then back to fine...about every day.  It's getting better...but still buggy.  I'm not having panic attacks or anything like that...I just plan ahead for months and years...which is pointless because things change all the time- but I still plan and then plan for plan B and plan C.  I'm still working full time and teaching dance, but am looking forward to the summer- where I have a bit of a break.

Overall- since we started trying...I have had some of the most stressful months of the year or my life.  I'm not sure which.  So, is it any surprise that I'm not pregnant?  No!  Does it surprise me when people say "you just need to relax"?  No!  Is it annoying when people say that?  Not yet...so that is good.  And that is also because I know I need to relax.  The thing no one really mentions is how to relax.  How can I relax when I'm always stressed about something.  Whether it's money, my getting older and not having kids yet, my husband and his future, my own future, my family and their health...I mean where does it stop?

You know what?  It's stopping now!  I'm at least going to try harder to not worry quite so much.  How am I doing that?  I'm not sure.  We are going to be moving in with my folks for a bit, so that will help with my money issues.  That will also help us pay off our bills- which will also help with my stress.  I have cut down on the activities that I will be doing next year.  I have said no to a few shows.  Hopefully I will only be doing 3-4 shows next year instead of the 6 I did this year!  And of course the amazing weather- having a back porch (my folks house), I would like to start working out again,  I pray- about my family, myself, and to remind me that it's not my plan...it's His plan, then I give thanks and finally I read these devotionals that are written just for me. Here is today's:
"Do not search for security in the world you inhabit.  You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life.  If only you could check everything off your lise, you could relax and be at peace.  but you the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more thing crop up on your list.  The harder you try, the more frustrated you become".

I make lists for everything.  Last night I spent an hour making a list on paying off our bills.  I have moving lists, and a school list, and a list on getting pregnant, and a list for my lists.  So, my lists are going out the window.  I might make a "To-Do" list for the day...but that is it!  I'm going to relax!  I'm going to enjoy life!  I'm going to even enjoy the struggles that I'm going through!  So...there you have it!  You know how I'm going to start relaxing?  I will get a few things ready for our move, clean a few things as well (I promise this will help me de-stress...knowing I'm doing something), and relax with the husband.  And, next week I'm getting a massage called "Stress Fix Massage".  It will be a work in process, but one that will hopefully help me in the future!  Thanks for reading, and I hope this does not stress you out...I feel better now!

Time moves both fast and slow...weird!

Time moves fast and slow...do you know what I mean?

Let's take the month of April for example.  I can't believe that tomorrow is the last day of April.  I mean this month has flown by!  And it should, I was busy.  But when I stop and think, my one year anniversary was a few weeks ago...that just seems insane!  It seems like another lifetime ago that we celebrated with eating our cake!

It's been quite a month!  I'm glad it's over!  If you have read my blog you know that I'm always looking at the future!  So, I'm excited for this next season in life, in weather, in things that we are doing.

I have 15 more days of school, which means a wonderful change in schedule.  My summer theatre camp begins here shortly...which is one of my favorite times of the year!  Curt is looking for a different job.  One that will hopefully make him a bit more happy and a bit more money.  So there is that change in life.  We will be moving out of our apartment and into....well, we aren't sure exactly where we will be moving.  My sisters babies will be born in July, so that will be a nice trip for us!  I start the Masters Program in June- another change!  It's just so exciting!

So, while this month flew by, the individual days of the week were a bit slow motion!  Here is too a new month!  To warmer weather, new routines, different jobs, new dances, homework, and a new life path!  We can do this and I'm actually looking forward to doing this!

Hello Headache...it's been a while...

People, yesterday I said to my husband (who had a headache) that I have not had a headache in a long time.  Not that I was trying to brag to my hubby, but I am a person who gets headaches a lot.  I feel as if I get them every couple of days.  So for me to say that I have not gotten one in a while was a bit crazy.  

So, I went to look it up...and it's been 16 days since my last headache.  Of course today (the day after I comment about my lack of headaches) I get a headache.  But I still take it as a big accomplishment!  

My next thoughts go to...why did I get a headache?

1. I have been drinking a lot of water lately.  I try to do 6-9 glasses a night.  I'm currently on glasses 7-9.  So, I don't think I'm dehydrated.

2. I didn't eat on time.  If I wait to long to eat...then I get a hunger headache.  I was starving when I went to grab my lunch...so that might be the case.

3. The weather is a bit crazy right now...so that might cause a headache.

You want to know what I think?

I think I'm having sugar withdrawals!  Now don't get me wrong....I still had coffee with creamer yesterday- a salted mocha caramel creamer.  Last night I ate a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich.  So, it's not like I'm cutting it out cold turkey.  But...I'm not eating cookie dough.  Or candy bars.  Or any type of deliberate sweet.  And I think my body is saying...there is a lot less sugar here than normal.  So...yikes!  It's so hard to not have sweets!  They are my downfall!  But I remember in December having so much extra energy...even though I was working like a mad woman!  So, I'm going to try to refrain...

So, I'm going to blame my headache on my sugar withdrawal!  Ha ha ha!  We will see how tomorrow goes!

Coincidence or a God Thing?

Coincidence or A God Thing?

So, I have a calendar sitting on my desk that has Bible quotes and little inspirational notes...almost like mini lessons....but not really.  Anyway, my parents got these for all of us girls a couple of years ago.  Last year I brought it to school to look at every day.  And I will keep using it, because...well I like reading the messages.  *Sidebar, they got one for each of us 4 girls, but what they didn't realize is that one of them was in Spanish.  So, that was really funny to watch Sarah open on Christmas morning.  It's a good thing she minored in Spanish in college...ha ha ha*

So, it seems that when I'm feeling particularly stressed about something, I flip my calendar to the current date and the message is meant just for me!  This happens more than you know.  One time I was worried about money and I flipped the calendar and it said something about money not being the end all be all.  Ha!

Today I come in to work, and I'm worried about life.  Since I am no longer insanely busy...I now have time to worry about EVERYTHING!  Ha ha ha!  Now I worry normally, but today I was getting frustrated because I'm worried about things that are out of my control!  And I hate not being able to control things in my life...ha ha ha!

Anyway, so I get to work, flip my calendar and it says:

Trust Me, and don't be afraid.  Many things feel out of control.  Your routines are not running smoothly.  You tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable.  Let Me lead you to the rock that is higher than you and your circumstances.  Take refuge in the shelter of My wings, where you are absolutely secure.

When you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly and look for growth opportunities.  Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new.  I lead you on from glory to glory, making you fit for My kingdom.  Say yes to the ways I work in your life.  Trush Me, and don't be afraid.

Ha ha ha, just last night I was sitting with my husband thinking...what are we going to do?  We have so much time together...this is new!  And not that I liked never seeing him...but going from seeing him for a few hours a couple times a week...to seeing him every night for 4-5 hours a night...well it's different.  It's new!  It's something that I am having to figure out.  Life right now feels off, feels out of control, and I have not made any new routines yet...so this passage was written just for me today!  

Coincidence or a God thing?  I am going with a God thing!  It makes me feel better that God is here is with me.  That he knows my worries and this little calendar is his way of saying...don't worry, I'm here with you!

Okay...it's back to work for me!  

Come on people...use your brains!

So, I read a post on facebook today that was talking about another post that I saw on facebook...here are my thoughts:

Post #1: Stop doing things for your children that they can do for themselves.
Post #2: Please keep doing things for your children that they can do for themselves.

The first post is pretty self explanatory- stop doing things for your kids that they can do...don't wake them up in the morning.  Stop making them gourmet breakfasts.  Stop doing their chores.

The second post was talking about how she brushes and braids her daughters hair every night.  How it's a ritual and how they have girl talk and say prayers...and all that stuff.  She said I read the article saying to not do stuff for your kids...but I can't help it.  I love that time.  And the writers grandma told her to keep doing it.

It's these type of articles that annoy me!  Now, I don't have kids yet...so I know that I'm judging ahead of my time.  And I'm not even really judging.  I just know how I grew up, and I see how my sister raises her kids.

#1. I think kids can do a lot for themselves.  No on needs to be waking up a middle school in the morning.  I was getting up on my own when I was in first and second grade.

#2.  I was also making myself breakfast!  Toast is easy, cereal is easy, waffles are easy...come on people!

I did not take the article to mean that every 10 year old should be self-sufficient!  Or that you can't have any bonding time with your child.  I loved nothing more than to have my mom french braid my hair.  But I can tell you what...we had to plan that out before that moment.  My mom would say...I'm not doing it right now,  you should have asked last night.  I mean, with 4 girls...can you even imagine?  Ha ha ha!

So, now onto the second post...I feel like this woman totally missed what the first post was about.  It was talking about some bonding time that you have with your daughter.  My dad got up with us every morning for "Breakfast Club".  He did not make us breakfast, but he did eat breakfast with us in the morning.  That was a wonderful bonding moment for us.  But he did not wake us up, or make breakfast for us.

Come on parents, you have to let your kids be somewhat independent!  They need that!  There are some parents at school who talk about waking up their high schooler?!?!  I'm sorry what???  It's because they have learned that you will wake them up!  Sheesh!  As Will Smith just said in an interview..."let them fail".  It's okay!  They will recover!

Obviously, if your kid has a sleeping problem- then that is something different.  But let's be real...how likely is that for so many parents?  My husband didn't know how to do laundry until he moved in with a friend at age 24!!!  I love my mother-in-law, but she did him a disservice!  She did so much for her children, that it actually hurt their ability to grow!

So, I agree with post #1, don't do things for your children that they can do for themselves...but don't eliminate bonding time with them either!  Be smart!