Wedding Moment Breakdown

Let's take a minute to look back...

Back in November my parents spoke to a medium.  I was there in the room with them and she told me that I would be getting engaged in 6-8.  She said up in heaven their time is different than it is here on earth.  She said when they say 6-8 it could be hours, days, weeks, months...and I guess years...but that best not be the case.  Ha ha ha!  Now to I believe in mediums?  Yes!  I believe that God gave people gifts to help heal and let us say good bye to our loved ones.  Or to make sure that they are okay and happy on the other side.  Now, would I ever live my live based on what a medium says?  No!  I'm not going to make a decision based on what they say nor wait around for something that they said to come true.  

With all that being said...I know that a proposal is coming...I'm not sure when, but the numbers 6-8 have been in my head since November.  6-8 days after the meeting...there was nothing.  It wasn't even a special day or anything.  6-8 weeks was around Christmas/New Years.  Lucky for me Curt had said "I'm not proposing to you over the Holiday's".  Unlucky for me, I have this unending optimism!  Half of my mind was saying "He is not going to propose" and the other half of my mind kept saying "I would I wasn't proposing...if I was actually proposing".  So, it was a slightly rough holiday season.  The fight inside my mind was raging for weeks.  Ha ha ha!  

So, after the holiday season was over and I was not engaged...I was looking forward to around my birthday month.  One time he mentioned possibly doing it around my birthday.  So, that was the next time I was looking forward too!  So, I was happy that school was starting again after winter break.  I was glad that I was so busy so that time would pass by quickly.  And it did!  I was tired from all that I was doing, but I knew that if could just make it past these two shows and a couple of auditions...I would be alright!  So, I finished my shows, I auditioned for my stuff, and I paid off my bills...but alas...there was no proposal!  

Spring Break happened and once again Curt said "I will not be proposing to you over Spring Break".  This time I was able to agree with that in my head...or at least 95% of my head.  There was 5% of my brain that still tried to say...who wouldn't want to propose to me on vacation...or on top of a mountain?  The only good thing is that my brain kept saying "do you really want to get proposed to while away from your family?"  Overall the answer was always no!  So, I was okay with not getting proposed too over Spring Break.

So, now it brings me to the current day.  I am now thinking that he won't propose until the summer.  The funny thing is is that it will be 6-8 months from when my folks spoke to the medium and she mentioned that I was getting proposed too.  It's funny how some things work out like that.  The good thing about being proposed to in this summer is that I'm excited to come back to school.  Once again I'm excited to have the weeks fly by and for the time to pass.  I guess, I will just have to wait and see when he proposes!!!

Alright, so this post has been crazy...I know that!  I know that I should be just enjoying my time and enjoying the things I'm doing...but it's hard!  

So, here is the deal...I am not going to look at wedding stuff, nor really talk about getting married unless someone asks me, nor plan anything until I have been proposed to!  I'm going to try and pretend that I don't want to get married as bad as I do...I'm going to pretend he is waiting to see if I'm ready to be married...who am I kidding?  Oh well, I can do the first couple of things.  No wedding talk, no wedding look ups...!!!

On a totally different note, I'm also excited to get summer here because I'm ready for warm weather, I'm ready for camp, I'm ready to not be going to the same place as I have been all of the school year.  I'm ready for a more relaxed schedule (kind of) and ready to be living with Curt!  So, there you have it folks!  I'm peacing out the wedding talk in 5, 4, 3, 2...

Post Spring Break Post

Hello Folks,
So I'm back from Spring Break!!!  There are good and bad things about being back to work.
#1.  I'm back at work!  I am really good at not working, so having to go back after a wonderful 9 days off...is just a little sad.  I know, I know for all of you who don't get Spring Break...I can hear you making fun of me.  Which is okay...but I'm still sad for me!  Ha ha ha

#2  The good thing about coming back is that the money will start coming in again!  That is good news for the obvious reasons...I need money to keep rolling in!  Even though I have all of my credit card paid off I still have the "Medical/Car fund" to pay off.  So, I am trying to work like mad to get that paid off ASAP!

#3  The other good thing about starting work up again...is that it means that summer is moving closer as well!  So, as of today there are 68 more days until School is out.  That is counting everything...weekends, days off, holidays...everything!  So...oh my goodness...that is so few days!  I'm excited for summer...it means a change of pace on the daily routine!  Working at the summer camp Re-ACT!!!  Which is amazing!  Picture working with your best friends...throw in some singing, dancing, and Bela Zangler (okay...no Bela Zangler this summer) and you have yourselves an awesome summer!!!  Plus I want to do some projects this summer and I'm trying to work out my work schedule so that I can have a weekend.  On top of that I might be living with Curt by then...so that is very exciting as well!!!  It is also a little weird to think about.  Living with someone else in a different house than I currently am.  I'm trying to plan some stuff...but really I have no idea where I will be living or if it will make sense to work where I want to work...so that is a big question mark.

So, this past week Curt and I went to Colorado!  It was our first trip by ourselves for an extended period of time.  So I was a little nervous.  I mean...what if we can't stand to be with each other for that long?  Ahhh...it was just crazy to think about.  But not only did we survive...I think we are even better for it!  We survived a 10 hour car ride (14 hours on the way home...in a blizzard) and came out on the other side more in love!

I realized a few things about myself over this trip...I tend to want a lot of reassurance.  I'm not sure why that is...but it's something that I want to work on.  I probably knew that before I went on this trip...but Curt asked me that while in CO.  And I did not have an answer for him.  So, while that annoyed me at the time...it also made me think...why do I need people to tell me that I did a good job, or that I look good today, or that they love me, or are proud of me.  I mean, it's always nice to hear that stuff...but I kind of need to hear it a lot.  So...again something for me to look into!

I also learned (cough cough...already knew) that I'm a little tightly wound.  I like things to be perfect...and when they are not it can affect my mood and behavior.  So, once again it's something that I need to work on.  However, I feel as if I did pretty well while on the trip...or at least was able to recognize myself getting all sorts of bent out of shape...and fix it!  Ha ha ha...I guess when there aren't too many distractions you have the time to focus on yourself.

A good thing, was for me to have to make some choices.  I make decisions every day...but when it comes to Curt, I sometimes make the choice that I know he would want me to pick.  Does that make sense?  For example, if there is a basketball game on that I know Curt wants to watch...but I don't...I will normally say "I want to watch the game", then I normally end up being grumpy or resenting him for that choice.  Which is totally not fair.  So, this trip...I really tried to take what I want into account!  I wanted to go up to the Mountain Top Amusement Park- which package to do was tough...but I did the one I wanted to do!  And sometimes I chose dinner based only on what I wanted!  As I'm typing this, you people (who don't know me) might be thinking well that is a little selfish...but for me...it's something that I need to get better at.  I am not saying that it's all about me all the time...but I don't want it to be all about Curt for me either.  So, it's a balance that I'm trying to work out!

The last thing that was pretty obvious on a few occasions were how we spoke to each other and how we moved past it.  Lately we tend to hear things the way we want to hear them.  Which is so buggy!  You can say something one way...and they hear it in a totally opposite way...so things can get heated pretty fast.  Anyway, there were a few times when that happend...but we did a really nice job at getting back to being in good moods.  Quick apologies...or just moving on when it was needed.  One of the times was during the blizzard.  While it was a stressful time anyway...and we both jumped to a stressed tone...it only lasted for a brief moment before we said...this is silly...and were able to move on!

Overall, it was an amazing trip and I am now having separation anxiety.  Ha ha ha, not really!  But yesterday all I wanted to do was tell stories about my trip with Curt.  Or to just be with Curt.  But with the weather and then the KU game was on (he went to his friends to watch it)...it was a little rough on me!  I have this trouble with anyone when I'm with them for so much and then it stops...so it's not only Curt...but I think it's a little worse with Curt!!!  So, I"m not sure when I will see him again...sad face!

Okay...moving back to a happy topic...only 68 more days until school is out!!!  Here are a few pics of our Trip!

 The first picture is of us about 2 hours into the trip!!!  It's about 4:30 am...he looks so hot in this picture!!!  The next picture is of me riding up to the Mountain Amusement Park!  I love this pic of myself (which I don't normally do)...way to rock that pic!

Here is Curt our first night there!  We could not decide where to go and I was getting HANGRY!  So I said, let's just go to the Double Dog Pub!  It sounded cute and had pub food (yum) which sounded amazing!  That pushed Curt into saying...how about we go to the Doc Holliday Saloon & Tavern!  Having watched a few Western's I said okay to Doc Holliday's!  

To the left is a pic of Curt and I as we about to go swimming in the Hot Springs Pool!  The temp outside is about 36 degrees.  The temp in the pool is about 95 degrees!  It felt great, but getting out of the water was a nightmare!
To the right is a pic of our drive home.  It was a bit of a blizzard!  Curt was an amazing driver he is my hero!  I Love him!!!

Sometimes, I start thinking...

I'm thinking just a short blip today is all I will do!  I have started sending people prayers over email, through text message, or on Facebook.  At first I thought it was kind of weird, but then I thought...well it's me getting to pray with my friends and they can "hear" me saying it.  I don't do well praying out loud with people.  I get all emotional and nervous.  So, I normally just don't do it.  So, I'm pretty excited with the thought that I can pray through these other outlets.  And maybe this will help me get better at praying out loud.  You never know what the future can hold.

Random notes:
1.  Spring break is next week!!!  I'm going on a trip.  I don't think I have gone on a trip since I went on a cruise to see my sister in 2006!  Wow, 7 years!  Colorado with Curt...okay that sounds amazing!

2.  I am feeling a little frumpy today.  I stopped working out once I didn't make the Chiefs.  On one hand that was awesome, but on the other...I now feel frumpy and my clothes are getting too tight again.  So, I'm thinking about posting before, during, and after pics with some workouts that I have been doing.  I'm kind of annoyed with people just posting after pics and saying...I did it!  So, I might start that...after Spring break of course.  Ha ha ha!  Maybe I will do that with my splits as well...who knows!

3.  It's Curt's Birthday!!!  As of right now, I'm assuming that he has no idea that people are getting together to celebrate his birthday!  And if he does know...he is being super nice and not telling me that he knows!  Very excited for tonight!

Deep thoughts #12345. By Amy

First an update- this weekend was callbacks for The Theatre in the Park.  I felt that I did really well!  I was proud of how I sang and of how I acted the song.  I was not asked to read and I'm actually okay with that.  I am still excited with the possibility of having a "free" summer.  I still think that I have a win win situation on my hands and I'm happy with it!  I have never been like this before, maybe I'm growing up or maybe I just didn't want it all that bad...or maybe I'm just now accepting that if it happens it happens and if it doesn't that means that there are some great things in my future!

Now I have learned a few things this weekend.  The first thing is from a book that I got from my sisters Sarah and Dana.  It's called "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist.  I have learned to enjoy the present and not jump to far ahead to the future.  Now, don't get me wrong...this is not the first time I have heard this or the first time I have been given this information.  But it is something that relates to me at this exact time in my life. I need to enjoy where I am in my life and enjoy the next step coming up...which is probably moving in with Curt.  But my mind jumps to getting engaged, married, having kids...and things that are a bit away.  So, it was just another reminder to be in the moment.  That does not mean that I don't need to plan things or to ever talk about having kids...but I try to plan things down to the T and that is not right.  I need to let go and live in the moment.

Which brings me to my next point...let go!  My friend Suzanne wrote a blog today.  She used a car analogy that went something like this. (I'm totally paraphrasing...for the record) When I picture myself driving with Jesus I picture him in the passenger seat.  But I should picture him driving the car and me in the passenger seat.  When Jesus decides to ignore the exit ramp labeled "understanding" I need to let go and be okay with that.  Because Jesus knows where we are headed and it's okay for me to not know where we are headed.  As much as I want too...I should just enjoy the ride with Jesus.

So, that is not so easy for me to do.  I want to know where I'm going, how I'm getting there, if I'm headed in the right direction.  And I feel a lot of the time like I'm walking down a path just hoping that I'm heading the way God wants me too.  I can conjure up feelings for "this is the perfect way" and for "you aren't listening" so that makes it difficult.  So, I need to let go and let Jesus drive or take the wheel as Carry Underwood so amazingly wrote (or her writers wrote for her).

At small group a few weeks ago they asked a question "Would life be easier if you knew that God was in total control of it?"  For me it was a bit of a trick question...I believe that God has a plan for my life.  But the fact that God is in total control is a little harder to grasp.  Where does free will fit in or where do auditions fit in?  It sounds a bit more rational when written out like this...than it does in my head alone.  Maybe that says something about my head.  ha ha ha...

Okay, enough with all of that serious stuff.  These are just a few of the things that I think about, and tend to get bogged down about.  I over analyze and feel as if it's all or nothing...it's really hard to just do a little bit...So for now...I'm going to just relax, live in the moment, and get into the passenger seat while Jesus drives.  I hope I can pick the car...ha ha ha!

Operation Bill Payoff...is complete!!!

Big stuff has happened this week...
Have I mentioned that I paid off my credit card?  Operation Bill Payoff is officially done!!!  Unofficially I still have to pay for my car repairs and the last of my Physical Therapy bill...but I am not counting those...because they were needed!  I probably should have mentioned that first!  That is kind of a big deal!  Background information moment:

In 2010 I had a total of a $22,000 credit card bill ($14k on one credit card and 8k on the other).  My interest rate was 29.9%...yikes!!!  So, my minimum payment was not doing anything for the actual balance...it was only paying off the interest.  In Nov. of 2010 I called the credit card people and tried to get a lower interest rate.  Then I tried to understand a balance transfer that I was offered...and they told me that I was not able to transfer money to a different card within the same credit card company.  I said okay...and was so sad...but the nice lady on the phone said...on your one credit card...I see that you have a total balance of $30K.  So that means that you are not using 15K.  You can take that 15k to pay for whatever you need to pay.  And it's a 0% interest rate.  That goes until August.  So, I did it.  I am not sure  how it worked...but I did!  Then I used another 0% interest rate offer...I had my 14K balance paid off by August of 2012!!!  I then got some 0% interest 0% balance transfer offers in the mail and took them up on that offer as well...then this past week...on my birthday to be exact...I paid off the last of the credit card debt!!!  I have been working 2...and sometimes 3 or 4 jobs at a time!  I worked my rear end off until I couldn't see straight...or broke down crying because I was so tired or because I hadn't seen anyone in so long...ha haha!  I did not go out to eat all that much...and I took a year off of buying my family gifts!  This last year took a little longer because I was not as frugal as I should have been...but that is okay!

Now I am free to do what I want to do!!!  Move in with my boyfriend, save for a wedding, plan a trip!!!  Anything is possible!!!  I have been burdened with that debt for a very long time...some of it is from my previous marriage...and some of it is from not having money in New York, and some of it is just dumb spending!  Since I started paying it off...I have not used a credit card unless it was truly needed (i.e. the broken car and the broken body).  So, I'm pretty proud of myself.  I am going to put all of my money toward the last credit card...so that come June I will be able to say I'm officially credit card free and not have to put any * by what credit cards I still owe!  But it's still a nice feeling to not "have" to pay something off.

Where will my money go now?
1. The credit card for my broken car and my physical therapy- which is about $1900.
2. My savings/wedding- no I'm not engaged which is why it's called a savings first...but when I do get engaged and then married...I want to begin to have the funds to afford the dream wedding that I want!
3. An apartment- when I move in with my boyfriend I will need funds for that...but at the moment if we don't move in...I can use that extra money to pay off #1 first.  Ha ha ha...this is one reason why we haven't moved in together yet.  (We had talked about moving in last August, but I wanted to wait since I was going to be paying off a credit card.  I said lets wait til Nov./Dec....then he said let's wait til spring...which was better for me so that I could have the extra money to pay off the last of the credit card.)  Anyway...we are supposed to start looking in a few weeks...and I might want to wait until May...or maybe even june...because that is an extra $1000 (I'm budgeting $500 for rent and stuff) that I could pay off my credit card.

Sometimes I'm surprised that I have a boyfriend.  I'm a little crazy with lists and money and I want to plan things so far in advance.  I think it drives Curt nuts a little bit...because he is a laid back go with the flow kind of guy...so I try to be more laid back...because my way seems a little tense...he is getting better with trying to plan...but we both need work.  Ha ha ha!  To conclude...I have paid off the majority of my credit cards!!!

Other exciting news...


Seussical opened at the Middle School.  It closes tonight (short run) but it was a success!!!  The only down side were the crappy microphones.  But besides that...the show was great!!!  The kids were just so sweet!!! Tonight is the final show and then there is a cast party for afterwards!  It's fun to just hang with the kids and not have to do anything like teach dances or anything like that!  Good times!!!

The other exciting news is the fact that I got called back for Theatre in the Park!  I got called back for Judy in 9-5!  I'm pretty excited to get this opportunity!  Whether or not I make it...is up in the air.  But I'm also getting kind of excited for a free summer!  It might sound weird...but the thought of not doing anything sounds mighty awesome!  But being a lead in a show would be awesome as well!  I have also thought about working this summer...and if I would make 9-5...I would be able to work late into the evening during the week...so I could potentially get more hours!

The last 3 weeks in one post...sorry!

Okay, so I went away for a few weeks...that sounds weird...like I went to rehab or something.  For the record I did not go to rehab or anything...these last few weeks have just been crazy...let me explain...

February 10-16th- I am pretty sure that I wrote during this week.  But Friday the 15th we were off of school because of Parent/Teacher Conferences.  Then the 16th was the audition clinic for the Chiefs Cheerleader Auditions (keep reading for the results).  I felt pretty good about all of the dancing, but I kept getting winded.  I feel as if that is an understatement.  We would do a small section of the dance...and I would feel as if I couldn't breath.  Literally, bent over huffing and puffing.  I never felt like I was dying or anything crazy like that...just totally worn out.  But I kept on dancing and smiling as if nothing was wrong, because it's an audition and I don't want these people to think I'm out of shape or lame and can't breath!  Ha haha...

February 17-23- The 18th of Feb. was President's day...and it was the start of Tech Week for Beauty and the Beast!  So, that was a crazy night.  Tuesday and Wednesday I went to school then straight to CYT for tech week.  I was so exhausted, from the rehearsals...and then whenever I could I would practice my audition dance.  Thursday and Friday were snow days.  We found out Wednesday night that school was canceled for Thursday!!!  It snowed like 12 inches in 4 hours...crazy!  I will post pics here in a second.

This first picture was taken at 7am as I was taking Chandler out.  The second picture was taken one hour later.

 So, I stayed home and practiced my dance, went over Chiefs trivia, and stressed...it was not the most fun of days. Friday was the same...practice dance, trivia, get stuff together (the Chiefs auditions were moved to Saturday instead of Friday night).  I also went to the Dr. and got diagnosed with Exercise Induced Asthma.  So I got an inhaler!  Friday night was opening night for Beauty and the Beast!  I got to see the show and it was awesome!!!  Saturday morning I had to be at the Chiefs Stadium at 7am in full hair and makeup!  It was a very early morning.  We did both dances and then waited to see if we made it.  I felt like I did the best that I could.  I left everything on the stage and had nothing to complain about.  But I got cut...so I was bummed!  My friend however, made it all the way through to the finals.  She did not make the team either.  But after a day, I was okay with not making it!  And am excited to see what is in store for me!  Here is a pic of me on audition morning!  P.S.  Step 2 for more blonde happened on the 18th!  I love it!!!

The rest of the weekend was filled with Beauty and the Beast!  The kids were so sweet to me, telling me that I should have made the chiefs and telling me that they were dedicating their performance to me!  It's a good example that you are not always going to make it...no matter how good you are.  It was awesome to see the kids perform...so it was a win/lose situation no matter how you looked at it!  But it was not in the plans for me this year!  Which means...that something else awesome is going to happen!  Can't wait to see what!!!

February 24-March 1- I went to school Monday- exhausted from the weekend of shows and auditions.  It was just a tense week for me!  Tuesday and Wednesday were snow days again!!!  This time I really enjoyed myself!  I took naps all the time, read a book, baked cookies, and just enjoyed my time!  It probably snowed another 6-10 inches over the course of 12 hours.  This time the snow was wet and heavy!  Below you will see Chandler looking over the pile of snow towards our normal walking route.  With all the snow we have had to use alternate routes.

The snow was taller than my little puppy!  I'm glad I held off on getting his hair cut!  He would have been frozen the last few weeks in all the snow!  When I went back to school on Thursday and Friday, I went from school to rehearsal for BVMS show.  They open on Wednesday!  Plus playing catch up for the 4 snow days!  It was just a crazy time!


March 3-9- So far this week has not been too bad.  But I guess it's only day 2.  Ha ha ha!  So, yesterday I auditioned for The Theatre in the Park!  I feel as if I did great!  I left happy with my audition and am now waiting to see if I get called back.  I'm trying to have a "I am not getting any callbacks" attitude.  Because then if I don't get any...it will be okay.  It's a little hard since my mind is normally positive and thinks...what if I get called back for everything...oh dear!  Isn't there an in between that I can rest at?  Today has been a pretty good day...but that could be because it's my birthday!!!  Yes, folks...I'm 31!!!  I can't believe it's already here!!!  Tonight I'm going to BVMS' last rehearsal!!!  And then heading over to celebrate with my friends and watch "The Bachelor: Women Tell All"!  It should be a fun night!  The rest of the week is still up for grabs...Except for the weekend...I want to relax (and hopefully go to callbacks), but mainly relax!




Here I am with the brownie from one of my Counselors!  I love brownies!!!  My mom made me brownies as well as the school nurse!!!  So, it is a brownie of a day for me!!!  I am sharing...for the record...even though I don't want too.  Ha haha!


Alright, that is my little novel for today!  I have filled you in and apologize for the lack of writing these past few weeks!  But I'm back and will hopefully be reporting some fun stuff...and some crafty stuff now that all of my shows are done!  We shall see what is in store for this here blog!  Okay...byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!