Sometimes when I'm drive I have conversations with myself...It usually helps me sort things out. I'm also able to get all of my complaining/thinking through my thoughts before I see any actual people. So, it works.
Well, last night, my friend went into the hospital to have her baby! I sent her a text so let her know that if she was born on January 29th, she would be born on Kansas' Birthday! How do I know this? Well, when I was in high school my boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend on January 29th! And someone told me that it was Kansas' Birthday! Here is where my thoughts went after this...
I got my first email account sometime after January 29, 1999! That is just nuts! I had an Instant Message account, but that was not email! But sometime after that fatal night where I started dating, Todd...I got an email account amichelle129@...Then I was in shock! I feel as if email has been around for forever! But nope...
Technology is so funny in that way for the older people...oh man, I'm one of the older people...wah wah! But I have to think about when I got my first cell phone. And now my first email account...I have only had 2 other accounts since then...so that is kind of crazy as well! So, that was my weird thoughts last night about January 29th...and my email address!
My other thought was about pregnancy. I feel as if it would be better if they had fake birth control pills. That once you say "We are ready to start trying" your Dr. will pick a time to start giving you the fake pills. Here is why...when you are ttc (I'm so fancy with my lingo) everything makes you think "Is this a sign of pregnancy?" And it's buggy! I don't want to have gas and think...am I pregnant? Or be tired and think "Am I pregnant?" I just want to go about my day and not think about it. I just want to think normal things...I'm tired? It's probably because you work a lot...and you are always tired. Gas? That hot dog didn't sit well. To make things worse...on top of all of these thoughts this is my 2nd month off the pill! So, it's not as if I have been trying for a while now...Here were my thoughts last night:
Man, I'm gassy. Having gas is one of the signs of being pregnant. Or it could just be that the hot dog didn't sit well with you. But I have been gassy all day. When was the last time you were so gassy? I don't know, but I probably wasn't paying attention like right now. And you are tired. Yes, but I'm always tired. Yes, but you are really tired! I know, but that is probably because my dreams last night were vivid. And I felt like I was awake and running all night. Or maybe you are pregnant. No, I'm not pregnant. And if you keep these "I'm pregnant" thoughts up in a few weeks...you are going to be sad...
I mean, I try to be rational! And I don't really share these thoughts with others because...well they are annoying! Ha ha ha! I mean, I was getting annoyed with myself! So, that is why I talk to myself in the car! To have these conversations out loud...with just me...so that no one else needs to know the weird things I'm thinking! Ha ha ha, well now you know!
Friday, January 29, 2016
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Oh life...you crack me up!
I Can Do It! It's nice when you can sit back and realize things! For me, the thought of not having rehearsal on Friday nights is a game changer! It's crazy! The thought of being able to be home after a week of other rehearsals, working full time, and subbing at dance...is just amazing! My entire attitude changes!
I love choreographing shows...but having to create dances that are cool dances is very stressful! Now, I feel like teaching dance would also be stressful...but when you do that...you only need 1 really really cool dance. The recital dance! When you choreograph you have to come up with so many different "cool" dances...because each dance has to be somewhat cool for the kids that are in that specific dance! The other thing that is hard with choreographing shows is that the level of talent that might be in a show ranges from never even heard of dancing to So you think you can dance! Where as in a dance class- you have levels. So, while they might be the worst kid in level 6...they are still a level 6! Not a level 1 in a level 6 class. I'm not sure why this got off on a "whats easier teaching dance or choreographing" because they are both tough and you have to be an amazing dancer/teacher to do both!
When I started that, my point was to say that I'm almost done choreographing 2 of the shows! I am done (unless they ask me to do something else) with one show and only have one number left with the other! Yahoo!!! Then my third show begins and I should be done with that middle of Feb! I'm so pumped! Here is what I came up with today:
7 more rehearsals until Bye Bye Birdie Tech week...and 11 more Bye Bye Birdie rehearsals total!
9 more rehearsals until Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Tech week...and 16 more Chitty Chitty Bang Bang rehearsals total!
11 more rehearsals until Adams Family Tech Week...and 20 more Adams Family rehearsals total!
With this news...I can look at my schedule and say "I can do it!" I can get through this crazy time...and I know that February is going to feel short with Conferences...and my class! So, I'm bearing down...or is it baring down? I'm basically going to plant my feet and get to work on life! Once these shows are done, it's smooth sailing until Summer Break! Ha ha ha!
Other News:
So, in December, we decided that I should go off the pill. It was a very exciting and nerve wracking time as well. Our original plan was to go off the pill in the spring, but with the excitement of my sisters pregnancy...it got moved up! The good news is...is that if I don't get pregnant yet, it's not the end of the world yet. Over all...later in the spring would be a better time for us to start (meaning a better time for the baby to arrive), but it's all good in the hood!
The weird thing is...is trying to not be crazy about it!
1. I'm still not sure exactly when I ovulate...or if I am for that matter. Ha ha ha! While my head says, let's go out and buy a months worth of ovulation tests...my heart says...give it time! Ha! So, I am not going out to buy those...for the moment!
2. I have an ovulation calendar! Amy...that is you being crazy! But I'm trying really hard to not "force" an experience with the husband! I really want to look back and say "It was a very romantic night" not...well my head hurt, but we did it anyway. Ha ha ha! Plus, I really like entering the information in...it's fun! I'm a nerd like that!
3. I'm not going to buy stock in Pregnancy tests either. If I can "refrain" and only use 1 or 2/month...I will good about myself! Ha ha ha!
I can totally see how sex could be a chore vs. fun! I can totally see how frustrating it can be to not get pregnant for years. I can feel some of that tension inside myself...which means I'm taking things too seriously...so I can tell myself (at the moment of only trying for 2 months) to take it easy! I can see how upsetting it can be to see that EVERYONE on Facebook is pregnant...just like when I wanted to get engaged...everyone else was getting engaged! It all makes sense! I myself, just need to continue to take a step back for the next few months...to just enjoy this time with the husband! To get over my crazy schedule...and become more of a normal schedule type of person! To get our living situation (moving in June) and our money situation in the best possible place it can be...and then just live life!
So, there you have it! I figured I should write about it...since:
1. I think about it a lot (wanting to be a mom since I was a kid...makes it rough)
2. I'm just so excited to start this journey with my hubby!
3. Only my mom and sisters really read this blog...and they know all of this stuff already!
Okay- I'm out to eat lunch!
I love choreographing shows...but having to create dances that are cool dances is very stressful! Now, I feel like teaching dance would also be stressful...but when you do that...you only need 1 really really cool dance. The recital dance! When you choreograph you have to come up with so many different "cool" dances...because each dance has to be somewhat cool for the kids that are in that specific dance! The other thing that is hard with choreographing shows is that the level of talent that might be in a show ranges from never even heard of dancing to So you think you can dance! Where as in a dance class- you have levels. So, while they might be the worst kid in level 6...they are still a level 6! Not a level 1 in a level 6 class. I'm not sure why this got off on a "whats easier teaching dance or choreographing" because they are both tough and you have to be an amazing dancer/teacher to do both!
When I started that, my point was to say that I'm almost done choreographing 2 of the shows! I am done (unless they ask me to do something else) with one show and only have one number left with the other! Yahoo!!! Then my third show begins and I should be done with that middle of Feb! I'm so pumped! Here is what I came up with today:
7 more rehearsals until Bye Bye Birdie Tech week...and 11 more Bye Bye Birdie rehearsals total!
9 more rehearsals until Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Tech week...and 16 more Chitty Chitty Bang Bang rehearsals total!
11 more rehearsals until Adams Family Tech Week...and 20 more Adams Family rehearsals total!
With this news...I can look at my schedule and say "I can do it!" I can get through this crazy time...and I know that February is going to feel short with Conferences...and my class! So, I'm bearing down...or is it baring down? I'm basically going to plant my feet and get to work on life! Once these shows are done, it's smooth sailing until Summer Break! Ha ha ha!
Other News:
So, in December, we decided that I should go off the pill. It was a very exciting and nerve wracking time as well. Our original plan was to go off the pill in the spring, but with the excitement of my sisters pregnancy...it got moved up! The good news is...is that if I don't get pregnant yet, it's not the end of the world yet. Over all...later in the spring would be a better time for us to start (meaning a better time for the baby to arrive), but it's all good in the hood!
The weird thing is...is trying to not be crazy about it!
1. I'm still not sure exactly when I ovulate...or if I am for that matter. Ha ha ha! While my head says, let's go out and buy a months worth of ovulation tests...my heart says...give it time! Ha! So, I am not going out to buy those...for the moment!
2. I have an ovulation calendar! Amy...that is you being crazy! But I'm trying really hard to not "force" an experience with the husband! I really want to look back and say "It was a very romantic night" not...well my head hurt, but we did it anyway. Ha ha ha! Plus, I really like entering the information in...it's fun! I'm a nerd like that!
3. I'm not going to buy stock in Pregnancy tests either. If I can "refrain" and only use 1 or 2/month...I will good about myself! Ha ha ha!
I can totally see how sex could be a chore vs. fun! I can totally see how frustrating it can be to not get pregnant for years. I can feel some of that tension inside myself...which means I'm taking things too seriously...so I can tell myself (at the moment of only trying for 2 months) to take it easy! I can see how upsetting it can be to see that EVERYONE on Facebook is pregnant...just like when I wanted to get engaged...everyone else was getting engaged! It all makes sense! I myself, just need to continue to take a step back for the next few months...to just enjoy this time with the husband! To get over my crazy schedule...and become more of a normal schedule type of person! To get our living situation (moving in June) and our money situation in the best possible place it can be...and then just live life!
So, there you have it! I figured I should write about it...since:
1. I think about it a lot (wanting to be a mom since I was a kid...makes it rough)
2. I'm just so excited to start this journey with my hubby!
3. Only my mom and sisters really read this blog...and they know all of this stuff already!
Okay- I'm out to eat lunch!
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Life...it's so buggy sometimes!
Sometimes life is so buggy! Today is actually a better day for my anxiety than it has been for the past few days.
It's the Catch 22 issue...you can't do something unless you do something else. But that something else can't be achieved until you do the something! Arg!
Example- We have debt! More than I would like...but in America's scheme of things...it's not too crazy! We were just dumb...and that is why I get so annoyed! Ha ha ha. Anyway- when looking at buying houses they might not give you a loan if your debt is too high for what you make. However that being said...the mortgage for the house is so much less than rent is for that same house. So...while it would be a great move (mortgage is roughly $600...leaving us with an extra 300-400/month to pay off the loan) the bank will say no...leaving us to rent a smaller space for $1200...making it almost impossible to pay for rent! It's so annoying!
Now I will say, that we have not applied for a loan...or seen how much of a loan we could get. So...all of this is currently in my head and my head alone! I know that both C and myself have great credit scores! I also know that when given the chance...we will pay things off! But, it's just buggy! And once again it's even more buggy because most of the debt could have been prevented!
The hard thing when you make a mistake with money is that it takes so long before it disappears! Every time I think about how much money is being wasted to a credit card company...I get mad all over again! And it won't go away until we are debt free! Or at least certain cards are debt free! Arg!
Ha ha ha...okay- my rant is over! We have plenty of time to figure out if we can get approved for a loan...we will not be moving out until June! So...5-6 months! And as I keep telling myself...there is no point in me getting mad about it (easier said than done) for the next year or so! I'm trying to be better...but boy does money really get me going!
All of this all leads to me wanting to become and Family and Consumer Science teacher and teach the kids about debt...and about why you shouldn't go into debt! And how to stop yourself! Okay...and to bake cookies and stuff as well! Ha ha ha!
The anxiety in my throat has only come around for a few moments (yesterday it was there all day...) so I am feeling good! My first class is tonight...yahoo! I hope! I'm also really nervous about it!
And today also marks 7 Wednesday's until I'm in Florida! Which means 2 shows done and 1 to go! I can do this! I can do 7 more weeks of rehearsals! Which means only 1.5 more weeks until I'm done choreographing 2 our of three shows! I can totally do this! I can do this! Not only can I do it...but I can totally rock out at doing it as well! Okay- I'm out!
It's the Catch 22 issue...you can't do something unless you do something else. But that something else can't be achieved until you do the something! Arg!
Example- We have debt! More than I would like...but in America's scheme of things...it's not too crazy! We were just dumb...and that is why I get so annoyed! Ha ha ha. Anyway- when looking at buying houses they might not give you a loan if your debt is too high for what you make. However that being said...the mortgage for the house is so much less than rent is for that same house. So...while it would be a great move (mortgage is roughly $600...leaving us with an extra 300-400/month to pay off the loan) the bank will say no...leaving us to rent a smaller space for $1200...making it almost impossible to pay for rent! It's so annoying!
Now I will say, that we have not applied for a loan...or seen how much of a loan we could get. So...all of this is currently in my head and my head alone! I know that both C and myself have great credit scores! I also know that when given the chance...we will pay things off! But, it's just buggy! And once again it's even more buggy because most of the debt could have been prevented!
The hard thing when you make a mistake with money is that it takes so long before it disappears! Every time I think about how much money is being wasted to a credit card company...I get mad all over again! And it won't go away until we are debt free! Or at least certain cards are debt free! Arg!
Ha ha ha...okay- my rant is over! We have plenty of time to figure out if we can get approved for a loan...we will not be moving out until June! So...5-6 months! And as I keep telling myself...there is no point in me getting mad about it (easier said than done) for the next year or so! I'm trying to be better...but boy does money really get me going!
All of this all leads to me wanting to become and Family and Consumer Science teacher and teach the kids about debt...and about why you shouldn't go into debt! And how to stop yourself! Okay...and to bake cookies and stuff as well! Ha ha ha!
The anxiety in my throat has only come around for a few moments (yesterday it was there all day...) so I am feeling good! My first class is tonight...yahoo! I hope! I'm also really nervous about it!
And today also marks 7 Wednesday's until I'm in Florida! Which means 2 shows done and 1 to go! I can do this! I can do 7 more weeks of rehearsals! Which means only 1.5 more weeks until I'm done choreographing 2 our of three shows! I can totally do this! I can do this! Not only can I do it...but I can totally rock out at doing it as well! Okay- I'm out!
Friday, January 15, 2016
Laughing at the future...
I sometimes find it funny how God jokes around with us! I'm not talking in a mean way...but...well let me just share with you!
So, I want to have kids! I want to move into a bigger place with a garage and a driveway...I want to be debt free! But then I think about the future and I think we can't afford that stuff.
Yesterday I was thinking about health insurance and day care for my future child that has not been conceived. And I began to worry about it. I began to think if it's a good idea to have kids right now...because my job doesn't pay very much and Curt has been at his new job for almost 6 months...and I can't see in our future how we are going to afford this stuff.
We are also looking at moving into a duplex. The rent would go up about $300, but it is a 3 bedroom with a garage and a driveway...and space to do things! But then I thought of the future...what if we have a kid? What if I don't get all of these gigs back?
Then I just flipped the page on my Jesus Calling Daily Calendar...and guess what it says...this is where God is rolling on the floor laughing at me...it says (paraphrasing):
I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to Me.
Ha ha ha, here I am freaking out about the future...and then this calendar page comes up and talks about a sea of problems...and it seems when they are my problems it's hard for me to focus on Him. But if I'm praying for somebody else's problems...that is easy peasy!
So, here is to God making me laugh! It happens all the time, but today it really hit me, because things are moving fast! So, I'm not going to worry about insurance and day care for a non-existent baby! And I'm not going to think about rent in a duplex that is not ours! And I'm not going to think about a Graduate program that I have not been admitted too! Or Curt's higher paying job that he can't apply for yet.
No, I'm going to focus on today! On today's issues...which are- go eat you are hungry, stay sane, don't go out to dinner...you don't need to spend the money...that is what I can focus on tomorrow! The long term- totally crazy worrying can wait until the future!
For today, I will laugh at the future!
So, I want to have kids! I want to move into a bigger place with a garage and a driveway...I want to be debt free! But then I think about the future and I think we can't afford that stuff.
Yesterday I was thinking about health insurance and day care for my future child that has not been conceived. And I began to worry about it. I began to think if it's a good idea to have kids right now...because my job doesn't pay very much and Curt has been at his new job for almost 6 months...and I can't see in our future how we are going to afford this stuff.
We are also looking at moving into a duplex. The rent would go up about $300, but it is a 3 bedroom with a garage and a driveway...and space to do things! But then I thought of the future...what if we have a kid? What if I don't get all of these gigs back?
Then I just flipped the page on my Jesus Calling Daily Calendar...and guess what it says...this is where God is rolling on the floor laughing at me...it says (paraphrasing):
I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to Me.
Ha ha ha, here I am freaking out about the future...and then this calendar page comes up and talks about a sea of problems...and it seems when they are my problems it's hard for me to focus on Him. But if I'm praying for somebody else's problems...that is easy peasy!
So, here is to God making me laugh! It happens all the time, but today it really hit me, because things are moving fast! So, I'm not going to worry about insurance and day care for a non-existent baby! And I'm not going to think about rent in a duplex that is not ours! And I'm not going to think about a Graduate program that I have not been admitted too! Or Curt's higher paying job that he can't apply for yet.
No, I'm going to focus on today! On today's issues...which are- go eat you are hungry, stay sane, don't go out to dinner...you don't need to spend the money...that is what I can focus on tomorrow! The long term- totally crazy worrying can wait until the future!
For today, I will laugh at the future!
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
I am losing my mind...or it might already be gone! I can't tell...
If my brain were a building...possibly a nuclear building...the alarms would be blaring as we speak! The workers would be running for their lives because my brain is about to melt down!
I don't really loose things! If I lose something it's normally my phone- because I put my phone down in all sorts of places. My phone doesn't have a "place" in the house. Besides that, I don't really lose things. If my husband asks where something is, I can close my eyes and visualize where I put it! I can take a second and go and grab it! That is how I have been for forever!
******Alarm Sound*****Alarm Sound*****Alarm Sound******Alarm Sound*****Alarm Sound
Until recently! For the past few weeks...and maybe on and off for the last few months...I have been losing things! It's as if I can see the last place I had the item and then a wall is built and I can't figure out how to get around it.
For example: I got a DVD for a show I'm doing. I never use them so I thought...I will just leave it in my car. The director said "Don't loose that DVD!" Not an issue, since it will be in my car (why I just didn't give it back, I don't know...). Now a few weeks later...I have no idea where this DVD is! I can't find it anywhere! Have I completely torn my house apart? Not yet, but I looked in all the "normal" places of where it might be! I am so annoyed!
I realized I lost it a few weeks ago...and have now also realized that I have lost a few other items as well. It's so buggy! But it also makes me really nervous! Am I starting to develop Altzeimers? My husband jokes that I can't remember things...but it really does freak me out! One time I lost my wallet and I started crying to my hubby. He was trying to keep me calm, but I was losing my mind! He insisted that he check the car for me, since I was freaking out! I wanted to go myself, but he wouldn't let me! I ended up finding it the next day (it was under the car...and not in the car). I really thought I was slowly losing my mind!
The other issue with me losing items is that I don't have time to look for them! I'm so tired by the time I get home after working from 7am-8pm...or I have people coming over...or I'm going to someone's house...my schedule is just crazy! Then on top of losing items, I'm annoyed that I have once again made my schedule insane! And I have a hard time saying no...especially when it comes to making money!
So, here I am worried about losing my mind, actually losing items, and mad at myself for creating a crazy schedule! Where does that leave me? With A LOT of anxiety! So, I guess that is one item off of my list...why do I feel anxious? Because I am losing stuff...my mind included!
Deep Breaths****Deep breaths***Deep Breaths**Deep Breaths*
So, it's time to stop worrying about it and start to focus our mind on where some of these things might be! To let it go! The items will turn up sooner or later! I will stop giving myself a crazy schedule! Plus there are only 8 more weeks of pure crazy and then there is a lot of down time! I can do this! I can make lists...and try to be more organized! I CAN DO THIS!!!
I don't really loose things! If I lose something it's normally my phone- because I put my phone down in all sorts of places. My phone doesn't have a "place" in the house. Besides that, I don't really lose things. If my husband asks where something is, I can close my eyes and visualize where I put it! I can take a second and go and grab it! That is how I have been for forever!
******Alarm Sound*****Alarm Sound*****Alarm Sound******Alarm Sound*****Alarm Sound
Until recently! For the past few weeks...and maybe on and off for the last few months...I have been losing things! It's as if I can see the last place I had the item and then a wall is built and I can't figure out how to get around it.
For example: I got a DVD for a show I'm doing. I never use them so I thought...I will just leave it in my car. The director said "Don't loose that DVD!" Not an issue, since it will be in my car (why I just didn't give it back, I don't know...). Now a few weeks later...I have no idea where this DVD is! I can't find it anywhere! Have I completely torn my house apart? Not yet, but I looked in all the "normal" places of where it might be! I am so annoyed!
I realized I lost it a few weeks ago...and have now also realized that I have lost a few other items as well. It's so buggy! But it also makes me really nervous! Am I starting to develop Altzeimers? My husband jokes that I can't remember things...but it really does freak me out! One time I lost my wallet and I started crying to my hubby. He was trying to keep me calm, but I was losing my mind! He insisted that he check the car for me, since I was freaking out! I wanted to go myself, but he wouldn't let me! I ended up finding it the next day (it was under the car...and not in the car). I really thought I was slowly losing my mind!
The other issue with me losing items is that I don't have time to look for them! I'm so tired by the time I get home after working from 7am-8pm...or I have people coming over...or I'm going to someone's house...my schedule is just crazy! Then on top of losing items, I'm annoyed that I have once again made my schedule insane! And I have a hard time saying no...especially when it comes to making money!
So, here I am worried about losing my mind, actually losing items, and mad at myself for creating a crazy schedule! Where does that leave me? With A LOT of anxiety! So, I guess that is one item off of my list...why do I feel anxious? Because I am losing stuff...my mind included!
Deep Breaths****Deep breaths***Deep Breaths**Deep Breaths*
So, it's time to stop worrying about it and start to focus our mind on where some of these things might be! To let it go! The items will turn up sooner or later! I will stop giving myself a crazy schedule! Plus there are only 8 more weeks of pure crazy and then there is a lot of down time! I can do this! I can make lists...and try to be more organized! I CAN DO THIS!!!
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