First an update- this weekend was callbacks for The Theatre in the Park. I felt that I did really well! I was proud of how I sang and of how I acted the song. I was not asked to read and I'm actually okay with that. I am still excited with the possibility of having a "free" summer. I still think that I have a win win situation on my hands and I'm happy with it! I have never been like this before, maybe I'm growing up or maybe I just didn't want it all that bad...or maybe I'm just now accepting that if it happens it happens and if it doesn't that means that there are some great things in my future!
Now I have learned a few things this weekend. The first thing is from a book that I got from my sisters Sarah and Dana. It's called "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist. I have learned to enjoy the present and not jump to far ahead to the future. Now, don't get me wrong...this is not the first time I have heard this or the first time I have been given this information. But it is something that relates to me at this exact time in my life. I need to enjoy where I am in my life and enjoy the next step coming up...which is probably moving in with Curt. But my mind jumps to getting engaged, married, having kids...and things that are a bit away. So, it was just another reminder to be in the moment. That does not mean that I don't need to plan things or to ever talk about having kids...but I try to plan things down to the T and that is not right. I need to let go and live in the moment.
Which brings me to my next point...let go! My friend Suzanne wrote a blog today. She used a car analogy that went something like this. (I'm totally paraphrasing...for the record) When I picture myself driving with Jesus I picture him in the passenger seat. But I should picture him driving the car and me in the passenger seat. When Jesus decides to ignore the exit ramp labeled "understanding" I need to let go and be okay with that. Because Jesus knows where we are headed and it's okay for me to not know where we are headed. As much as I want too...I should just enjoy the ride with Jesus.
So, that is not so easy for me to do. I want to know where I'm going, how I'm getting there, if I'm headed in the right direction. And I feel a lot of the time like I'm walking down a path just hoping that I'm heading the way God wants me too. I can conjure up feelings for "this is the perfect way" and for "you aren't listening" so that makes it difficult. So, I need to let go and let Jesus drive or take the wheel as Carry Underwood so amazingly wrote (or her writers wrote for her).
At small group a few weeks ago they asked a question "Would life be easier if you knew that God was in total control of it?" For me it was a bit of a trick question...I believe that God has a plan for my life. But the fact that God is in total control is a little harder to grasp. Where does free will fit in or where do auditions fit in? It sounds a bit more rational when written out like this...than it does in my head alone. Maybe that says something about my head. ha ha ha...
Okay, enough with all of that serious stuff. These are just a few of the things that I think about, and tend to get bogged down about. I over analyze and feel as if it's all or nothing...it's really hard to just do a little bit...So for now...I'm going to just relax, live in the moment, and get into the passenger seat while Jesus drives. I hope I can pick the car...ha ha ha!
No comments:
Post a Comment