When God closes a door...

I'm a planner!  I love to plan things...parties, my schedule, other people's schedules, and how to pay off my debt!  It just makes me feel like I'm doing something useful...when there is not much else to do!

Today I got an email that said I might be out of a choreographing job!  It was a bit of a random email.  One I was not expecting, so it really took me off guard.  It also took my inner finance gal for a loop as well!  You know the saying "When God closes a door, he opens a window"?  It's a good one.  But here is what I'm feeling as of right now...

I feel as if a door is closing, but I can't tell if I'm supposed to run and catch it before it closes.  Or let it close, so that a window can be opened!  It's a rough feeling, you know?

The email said:

Are you planning on returning as an assistant director on the musical?  I am not sure if Christa has spoken with you on this, but we need all assistant directors to be at all rehearsals for the full time for student supervision when they are not working on their specific area.

While on one hand, I totally understand this thought.  At my school, I'm at rehearsal every day...whether I'm needed or not.  Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's a bit buggy.  I just end up sitting in the back literally doing nothing.  I get that you if are paying me, you would like me to be there.  On the other hand, I have a specific talent.  Not everyone has this kind of talent!  If I can be there 28 out of the 43 rehearsals- with my specific talent- do I really need to attend the other 15 rehearsals to just sit there?  

I guess the thing that is really bothering me is that we have been doing the same thing for the past 3 years.  So, why does it need to be different now?  Oh well!

I am trying to learn to let God close a door so he can open a window...but I tend to have doorstops that I want to use just in case!  That is probably why I have a billion jobs.  I keep all of these doors propped open...when sometimes they just need to close!

Okay, that is all for today!  Happy Monday, folks!

A brief post...

So, after a wonderful night with family: Watching the Chiefs game, listening to my nephew R read, and helping my niece A with her pre-school homework, and listening to L talk football after his one practice/game...I couldn't be happier!

Then I went to sleep!  It was later than normal, but not anything too crazy!  Until I started dreaming!

Megz- you might want to stop reading or jump down to below the dream sequence...ha ha ha...but my dream was pretty crazy!

I dreamt that I found out I was pregnant with twins!  And shortly after gave birth!  I'm sorry what?  It was nuts!  Everyone was so excited, but I remember thinking...we don't have anything prepared!  No beds, car seats...nothing!  At one point I realized I forgot to feed the babies!  I was holding one and Curt was holding the other.  When Curt's baby went to the bathroom on Curt, and he started gagging!  If you know him, he does that in real life!  And I couldn't do anything to help since I was still feeding the other baby!

My big thought was- I guess I can go to rehearsal for the three shows I'm doing with the 2 babies.  They will just sit there!

Ha ha ha!  It was so real!  I woke up very thankful that I did not have twins at the moment!  And props to those parents who have twins!

Moving on-
This week has been an amazing week!  Nothing really special happened, but the days have been pretty laid back!  I have had all my choreography done and rehearsals for both shows have gone great!  I have been going to be at a good time and sleeping pretty well!  It's just been a relaxed week!  So, I'm excited that it's over, but am so happy with how it's gone!  Happy Friday folks and let's get this weekend started!

The full swing of life

So, life is in full swing!  I'm working full time, choreographing 2 shows, and teaching dance class one day a week!  Yikes!  But right now, I'm feeling great!

I'm am choreographing ahead of time.  Which can be dangerous if you don't practice and go over what you made up every day!  That has always been my problem!  It's not that I don't want to choreograph ahead of time, I would love that!  It's the fact that I can't remember what I choreographed!  Ha ha ha!  But for some reason this year...or at least at this time...it's different!  Maybe it's because I'm less stressed!  Or maybe it's because I know one of the shows I'm doing so well!  Who knows!  All I know is that I love it!  I love choreographing ahead of time!  I love being done with my stuff so far in advance that I'm not stressing about it the day of!  I'm even having some students tell me they are proud of me for working so far in advance!  Now, I still have to practice what I have made up every day!  But that is not too hard!  It's not like the dances are 12 min each!  They are anywhere from 1-4 min.  So, I am feeling good!

My first dance class went well!  The second class got canceled due to the lack of students.  But I'm trying to be positive!  At least I have one class, and they are a cute class!  It will be good to start off with one class!  Hopefully I will be subbing some as well!

My other goal is to go to school!  I am planning on taking one class this semester and 2 classes next semester, but have been waiting on a student loan!  I'm not sure why it's taking so long, probably because the class I will be taking from JCCC doesn't start until January.  The class that begins in October has to be paid right away...so I was hoping to get the loan money!  But, I might just have to wait!  Wah Wah!  It's not the end of the world, it just doesn't work out perfectly!  But life does not normally work out perfectly!  So, I feel as if I'm doing pretty well so far!

I guess that is all from me at the moment!  Timeline if all goes well:
Class- 10/12
Enroll for Spring- 10/21/2015
ABMS musical- 10/22-10/23
GEH musical- 11/1-11/15
Christmas Musical- 12/13
School Ends- 12/16
Winter Break- 12/19

School...oh my!

So, I'm trying to go back to school!  I have been thinking about going back to school for the past couple of years!  It's been annoying, because there are no "quick" programs for me to take!  Each program is 2-3 years- depending on what I wanted to teach!

This past summer, I really started thinking about it.  I talked with my friends and family!  And as my sister pointed out- whether you start the 2 year program today or in a few years, it's still going to be 2 years!  You might as well start now!  It made sense!  So, I really started to look into the process.

I had it narrowed down to an online school in Wisconsin to get my teaching degree in FACS!  It was going to be hard, since some of the classes weren't offered online and I was going to have to find them around town.  But I am not afraid of hard work...I just want the opportunity!

Then I got brave and applied for the Masters of Art in Teaching program at Pitt State University!  I sent my transcripts and have filled out all of the paperwork!  I was in a holding stance for about 2 weeks!  It was rough!

Yesterday, I found out that I have to take 3 classes to raise my GPA.  These classes must be done by May of 2016- since the Master's Program will begin June of 2016!  Yikes!  I was disappointed.  But I got the list of classes that I must take and have found them at JCCC and one at an online school in California!

Last night I spent the evening applying for JCCC and Saddleback College!  I was getting ready to sign up for the class at Saddleback, when they said...you must pay by Credit Card!  Yikes!  It was $864 (not including text books)!  Man, school is pricey!  So, I'm going to wait about a week!  Figure out where the money will come from and we will be good to go!  The first class I will be taking is "Musical Theatre History and Appreciation"!  I am actually excited for the class...and a little nervous! It will be starting in October and run through December!  Hopefully, I will be done with most of my musical/ Christmas Program stuff!  It means I must get organized and be on top of my game!  I'm happy that Gardner has moved their rehearsals up to 5:30!  Yahoo!!!

I won't be talking about going back to school very much until I make the Master's Program.  It's the same with auditioning- you don't want everyone to ask how the audition went, because what if you don't make it!  So...once I make the program, then I will let people know that I'm going back to school to become a teacher!  I'm just so nervous about school...hopefully it will be different, since I actually have a goal in mind.  A purpose for going to school.

Here is the plan:
Take one class this semester- October-December- Musical Theatre History
Take two classes next semester- Jan. - May- Readers Theatre and Basic Visual Production
(The good news is that, all three of these classes seem interesting!  I am happy they are all theatre related)
I will also have to re-take the ACT or take a Praxis test and pass!
If everything works out and I pass the test and the classes then I will be starting the Masters program in June!
Masters Program- June 2016-May 2018! (6 hours a semester and 6 hours during the summer)  I would also like to Student Teach during the final semester...but again, I'm not sure if that is possible!  Once I make the program, then I will ask about that!
Graduate with my Masters in Teaching Speech/Theatre
Take a test to become a FACS teacher!
Be a teacher in the Fall of 2018!

So, I guess we will just see how it all goes!  I can't believe I'm actually going to try to do this!  Somewhere in there...I will also be having kids!  Ha ha ha!  Send prayers, happy thoughts, good luck vibes, and anything else my way!  I know that I can do this if I can stay calm, not worry about money, and work hard!

How is married life?

How is married life?
This past month has been a rough one!  It has really tested me as a person, it has tested my husband and I, and it has tested my faith in God.  The good news about being tested, is that you find out what you are made of!  You find out if you can survive a tough situation or not.  You find out if you can trust/lean on the most important person in your life!  It can turn out wonderfully or it can be a disaster!

I am so happy to report that this last month has changed our lives for the better!  Was it easy?  No way!  Did I want to quit and throw in the towel?  Yes!  There were even a few weeks where I thought...would it even matter if I didn't come home tonight?  I was upset, being reminded of a past that I didn't want to be reminded of, I was a bit dramatic...and I was mad at both my husband and myself!  Let me explain:

Curt lost his job about a month ago.  It was unexpected and very surprising!  And I felt unprepared!  The first thing to go through my mind was money.  We had been spending for the last 2 years as if we were millionaires.  Curt, is a big spender!  He has always been able to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it!  So, I was angry at both of us- for not saving more.  For not being smarter.  For thinking that we will always have a job and money and security!  All of that was now being questioned.  It was rough!

I took it especially rough, since I tend to freak out about money!  On top of my money freaking, I was being reminded of my ex-husband.  Who lost his job and decided to not get a new one!  Leaving me working full time and going to school full time!  It was a rough time...and now he is my ex!  Don't get me wrong, Curt started looking for work immediately!  He would apply for jobs, but then play video games all day!  I know it's hard to apply for job after job!  I had to do it when I moved back from Florida.  But I would get so annoyed with this!  He would not help around the house...he would not really tell me what he applied for...it was very hard on me!  Now, I know that it was hard on him!  In his mind, he is supposed to be the provider!  He is the man!  And him playing video games was his way of not freaking out!  However, I need to see a bit of freaking out!  Does that make sense?  I need to see some worry- so that I know that he cares.  Him pretending that he is okay with how everything is...is not good for me!

Next issue- He has no clue about money!  As Dave Ramsey would say- he is a spender!  And I'm the saver!  So, we are learning together that we can't go out to eat all the time- which was a terrible habit that we had gotten into!  We are learning that we might not get to eat exactly what we want to eat!  And that is okay!  We are learning that we might have to say no to going out to eat with friends and family!  Once again, that is okay!  It's been a learning experience for the both of us!  To give and take!  To talk about decisions- no matter how small they might seem!  We were invited out twice this week- what should we do?  It's rough, but we are working it out!  I just need to make sure that we keep it up, once he starts getting paychecks!  Take this time to save money/pay off bills...so that in our future, we don't have to worry about that!  It makes complete sense to money minded people!  Not so much to spenders!  Ha ha ha!  Then we go and throw things like a trip to Florida in the mix...and it messes everything up!  Ha ha ha!  I am going to Disney World!

The biggest change also happened!  I have tried to talk to Curt about a few things.  I get emotional, I cry, I become angry, and I start accusing him instead of talking with him.  The bad thing...is that my feelings are real, but are coming across as crazy!  For example- We were at one of his friends houses and I walked into the room where he was sitting.  Everyone was talking and then they all just stopped.  Curt said something like, wow don't you know how to break up a party.  It was nothing terrible, but he did not say just kidding, or squeeze my hand...or anything.  It just hurt my feelings.  When I brought it up later, he said I was just kidding.  All of my friends know I'm kidding, why can't you know when I'm kidding.  Needless to say, this was the start of some of our arguments.  Fast forward to last week.  I finally got up the courage to say what I wanted to say- without being accusatory, without sounding nuts, I wish I could say without crying- but if you know me...you know that is impossible!  Ha ha ha!  I said, Curt I am your wife, but I feel more like a friend!  A friend with benefits!  And I don't want to be just a friend!  I am more!  I need more!  You used to romance me- and now you say "I don't have to do that anymore, I already got her"!  I have written notes on the bathroom mirror for the last 2 years and you have never written one back!  I finished with how much I loved him, but I was not willing to continue in a friendship with him!  I want to be his wife!  It was a rough conversation!  But it was amazing!  I don't know if I have even been able to express myself the way I did!  And Curt finally understood what I was talking about!  He got it!  And the past 2 weeks have been amazing!  He has written me notes, he has opened my door, he has made dinner for me every night!  We are talking about life, about money, about what we want to do this week!  It has been amazing!  I love coming home from work to see him!  I feel as if he loves when I'm home as well!  He has been helping out around the house...it's just been great!  He now has a job, which is always helpful...but it's more than that!  It's being aware of what is going on with the one person you love most in the world!  I don't ever doubt that he loved me...because he did!  It just wasn't being shown to me...in the way I needed it to be!

The last thing that has really changed is my praying!  I would pray before, but now I make it a point to pray every time I get in my car to go to work.  And every time I get in my car to go home from work!  I get to pray out loud- and it's more like a conversation with God then me actually praying.  Which works for me!  It's what I need to do for me to make it feel real and not fake!  I say good morning, and thank you for the day!  I prayed for a job for Curt, pray for my family- and ask for help in whatever I need help in!  Then when I get out of work, I say a hello- thank him for the day.  Say my family prayers and then talk about whatever I need to talk about!  It might look a little crazy, but it works!  And it helps!  And it gives me the time and focus that I need!  I really enjoy it!

Everyone asks- how is married life?  For the first few months I would say "pretty much the same" or "it's wonderful!"...because it was!  Life went on pretty close to how it did before we were married.  Curt was a little more aware of me as his wife, but overall it was the same!  Now, if someone were to ask...someone that I knew...not just a stranger, I would answer "I love it, it's hare, but we working it out!".  Yes, life is easy when things in your life are easy!  Marriage, no shows, plenty of money...verses marriage, shows, work, no work, no money...!  We still have no money, but Curt has a job!  I'm back to work and a full time paycheck is coming from me as well, and pretty soon I will start getting my musical money as well!  Things are looking up!  Curt and I are...to be honest...we are better than we have ever been!  And I'm more in love with him today as I have ever been!  So- yes this past month was hard!  In fact it sucked!  But in the big scheme of things...I will get to look back and say "There was one month that changed everything for your dad and I..." or "One severe weather alert changed our lives for the better" and I will get to smile!  We have been through some crazy things together!  And we have come out on the other side smiling, holding hands, and in love!  I think we are doing pretty well!  I hesitate to post this, because it's the truth...not my modified version that I might tell people!  Or the version laced with humor!  It's hard to put the truth out there, I don't want anyone judging us!  We are learning...married life if different, just not in the ways I thought it was going to be different!  But different can be awesome...if you can embrace the change!  Okay, byeeeee!

I love this time of year!

So, I have not written in a long time.  Sorry about that!  The summer has passed and school is about to begin! 
I love this time of year!  This time and the time around New Years!  It's a time for new beginnings, it's a time that anything can happen!  You have the whole year ahead of you to be who ever you want to be or to do anything you want to do!  No matter what happened during the summer, the school year brings a fresh start!

I also love this time of year, because it means fall is right around the corner, followed by the Holiday season and winter!  Then of course it's the new year, my birthday, spring, and summer is here again!  Ha ha ha- it would seem that I love the entire.  But that is not true- I hate the month of February!  There are some super awesome days in February (mom's birthday, Megan's birthday), but besides that...the past few years have seemed to be very stressful!  I normally have a lot of shows, it's dreary outside, I'm over winter...but why am I talking about that?  Let's get back to right now!

I love this time of year!  You know what I read the other day?  I read that tonight will be a blue moon!  I'm so excited to see it!  I also downloaded an app for the stars!  I love the stars!  I totally aced that section of my earth science class!  Wow, my thoughts are all over the place! 

Let's write down everything I would like to do during the first half of the year:
1. Write the Christmas play- I have done it for 2 years in a row and I think I can totally rock it out again!
2.  Start writing another play called "Family Reunion". 
3. Pick a date for the White Christmas Party!  This should be #1 on the list! 
4. Get a few things in my life under control- my ideal life vs. reality!  Sometimes they match up, sometimes they don't!  I need to work on handling the not so matchy matchy life!  Ha ha ha
5.  Feel comfortable teaching dance
6.  Get 2 shows choreographed and try to not stress out about it!
7.  Move money into the logical category and not the emotional one.
8.  Go to the cider mill and have an apple cider donut!
9.  Walk the arboretum with Christmas lights
10. Carve a pumpkin
I guess 10 things is a good start! 

So, if you are like me, you are ready to go!  Let's start the year, because I'm ready to see what exciting things are in store for me, my family, my friends!  You never know what is going to happen...and that is exciting!

My wedding- do's and don'ts!

Hello People,
Let me just tell you folks, that not planning a wedding is amazing!!!  But let's go back and talk about the wedding for just a minute!

Wedding Talk
1.  The wedding was amazing!  I'm married to the man of my dreams!  I didn't sweat the small stuff!
2.  The day before and sometimes even the day of...it didn't feel like my wedding day!  It was very weird...ha ha ha!  Even when I was shouting out the window "I'm getting married today!!!"  Ha ha!
3.  The people at Starbucks were a bit rude!  They didn't even call out "Bride"- so that was annoying!  Nor did I get a free drink!  That was also buggy- however that could have been because I was not in my wedding dress!  It was 9am- who gets dressed that early!  I did have a bride sweatshirt on...Oh well!  My sister said "Oh, Bride, your drink is ready!"  Ha ha ha!  My suggestion is to go to a bigger Starbucks...
4.  Having my hair and makeup done was amazing!  I would like to do that every day!
5.  Having all my sisters there was also great!
6.  We had plenty of time to get ready- I even packed my bags for the honeymoon while everyone was getting ready!  We were able to eat lunch and just relax!
7.  Eat something!  Order your favorite meal!  We ate Mr. Goodcents...double yummy!
8.  Plan how everyone is getting to the Church- that was a little stressful- nothing too much...just a bit!
9. Once at the church everything went pretty smooth!
10. Having a list of pictures was perfect!  This way someone could read the list and make sure that every picture that I wanted was being taken!
11. Sometimes ideas in your head don't turn out as you want them too!  That is okay...you just have to go with the flow!  I feel pretty good about my going with the flow!  Not thing anything went wrong, they just didn't go exactly how I had pictured them!
12.  I tried my hardest not to cry, but hearing the music, seeing Curt standing down at the end of the isle, knowing that I was marrying the guy that I love...in the wedding that I had planned...the wedding of my dreams...it was just too much!  At least there is one picture where I was smiling...ha ha ha!
13.  The wedding ceremony itself was wonderful!  The Pastor's sermon was wonderful and to the point!  Our vows were amazing!  It took me a bit to get through mine, but I was determined to get through it with a semi normal voice! I might have said "One minute" on several occasions.  But it was wonderful!
14.  Riding in the Limo going to take pictures was my favorite part of the day!  It was the only time- once the wedding started- that I was able to relax!  That I did not feel obligated to be anything other than happy!  It was perfect!
15. All of the pictures were amazing from the Bridal Party as well!!!
16. The reception was not what I had pictured.  The lighting was not what I had pictured.  The DJ was not what I had pictured.  It was good to know that everyone had a wonderful time!
17.  The entrance to the Reception was pretty fun!  Curt carried me over his shoulder!
18.  The video was perfect!  And entertaining!
19.  Dinner was great- I loved the Mashed Potatoe Martini's.  However they ran out of martini glasses!
20.  Knowing the seating chart was also funny- because I knew where people were sitting and saw who didn't show up!  That was kind of hard!  Especially since we had put up some extra tables...that was not needed and looked a little funny...ha ha ha
21.  The cake was amazing!!!  It was beautiful and looked exactly how she told me it would!!!  We should have practiced going over what to do...I had no clue!  And the details of cutting the cake- see things I would change.
22. The group dance was a success!!!  Everyone did a great job and I was so happy with it!
23.  Dancing for the rest of the night was a bit weird.  I thought more people would be dancing- I don't know if it was the music that was played...or that people weren't in the mood to dance.  Or as my sister said- when the bride and groom aren't dancing- no one really is!  Is that a big deal?  No, it was just different than what I thought would happen!
24.  Being the bride and groom is hard work.  Everyone wants to say hello!  Everyone wants a picture!  It's hard to just sit back and enjoy the night!  I'm not sure if there is any other way to be...!  As someone said on the honeymoon- I want to go back to the wedding as a guest at my wedding!
25.  We danced the last dance all by ourselves!  It was awesome!  I walked down the isle to his song for us, we had our first dance to our song, and our last dance was my song for us!  It was perfect!
26.  There was a large crowd waiting for us outside!  As we walked out to the car- everyone had a bell wand and they were ringing it!  And then all of a sudden Curt's mom was throwing them at us!  I was a little peeved, since it took us so long to make those.  But oh well!
27.  The car was decorated with glow in the dark balloons!  And writing on the windows!  There were also beer cans on the back (but we didn't know that until later).  As we were driving to the hotel- a car drove by flipping us off- so we drove by them and flipped them off.  Ha ha ha!  We later saw the cans and wondered if one flew off and hit them.  Ha, oops!
28.  The hotel was wonderfully decorated by me family (a family tradition!)!
29.  The next day we got up and left around 9am!  We had brunch and opened gifts with my family!  Then my sister Dana, drove us to the airport!
30.  All of our planes were on time and we made it to Mexico and our hotel in one piece!

Things I would change-
1. Hire an assistant for the few weeks before the wedding!  I could do most things myself, but the last few weeks- especially with working full time- were rough.  I was not thinking about all of the little details like I should have been.  I wanted to just enjoy everything- but things like making sure someone was cutting the cake- those type of details would have been nice to go over!
2. Talk to the lighting people as too where the lights will be- I had pictured them differently...and didn't like how they turned out!
3.  Talking to all of the vendors!  That would be why the assistant would be amazing!
4.  Have a plan about who will pick up what and write it down.  Not everyone realizes what goes into planning or cleaning up of a wedding.  So, to have a list of who is doing what and letting them know that they are doing it!
5.  Keeping papers needed for the actual rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception...in the same folder!  It got a little crazy for me.  Things seemed to be everywhere!
6.  Ask people for help.  I can not even pin point what I would have people do...but I realized how tense I was after the wedding.  My dad said, we should have done more.  Again - what would they do?  I don't know...but I should have asked!
7.  Being out of my own house that last week was difficult!  I felt displaced!  It was amazing being able to see my sisters as much as I did.  But I felt slightly out of whack.  I had done all of my planning at my own house...so to be removed from there was rough!

As I said- the wedding was amazing!  The things I would change are very small details!  I mean, I was pretty organized for being in charge of as many things as I was!  As everyone kept saying and I kept reading "In the end if you are married, it was an amazing wedding!"  I am married!  I had a wonderful day!  We had an amazing honeymoon!  And now being back we are starting to put our married lives back together!  It's not easy!  It's not hard...it's just a lot!  I will write about the honeymoon and about how the new Alderman's are doing later!  Happy Thursday folks!